for starters.

when will i learn. ugh, i'm so frustrated with myself. & my emotions for one. i swear ive turned into someone ive most likely made fun of in the past. like i really dont know how it all began. alls i know is i'm waiting for the end. the end being - when everything goes back to normal. . . when i no longer feel like a part of me is absent. in retrospect; when i'll no longer be the keeper of a broken ass heart. and i know everyone goes through it. but not me. . . not in a million years would i have seen this coming. i'm speechless. regretful almost. but if i could go back, & do it all over again, i would in a heartbeat. reason being i'm a better person because of it. i can honestly say he taught me how to love. for the first time in my life i realize what i want in a man. & also what i dont want. those kinda people are def hard to come by. & thats what makes this particular 'heart break' so special. the hard thing about it though. after all the pain ive been through. . . i still hold on to what was. maybe one day hoping everything we felt before - will revert. maybe i'm being naive. maybe i'm not. but who's to say really. in a way i think i'm still holding on. . . becus a part of me feels he's 100% irreplaceable. & these feelings will never reoccur for another. thats my biggest fear. cliche yet its almost like i'm losing my soulmate? idk but it hurts like hell. its hard letting go under those circumstances. even though i dont know whats to happen between us, i will never forget him. maybe even the first person i'll cherish forever. but hopefully not the last. i'm rambling now so i'll leave you with this:

what doesnt kill you. . . only makes you stronger.
this is by far the most annoying yet truthful quote to date.